Art by me. :)
Liar, Liar, My Life Is On Fire
By William F. Burk
The truth is unnecessary. Well, at least that’s what I think. In all of my life, never once have I told the truth. I could have, and I’ve had many occasions where the truth would have been advisable, but never once have I given into the temptation. After all, why tell the truth when lying is so much fun?
When my wife of seven years asked me if I had been cheating on her—which I hadn’t been—I couldn’t wait to tell her the lie that I had, in fact, been cheating on her ever since we started dating. She was furious, of course, and she left me, but it was so much fun to weave such an intricate lie! I’ve been lying for as long as I could remember; as a matter of fact, never once did I tell my parents or teachers or doctors the truth. When my mother asked me if I had the flu, I promptly told her that I was well. And the lies became more intricate, you see. I once told a friend that he was ugly, when he was honestly a dashing fellow. And it extended from there to lies of all kinds. Never have I once told the truth on my resume; always have I gotten the job. When my brother asked me if he should propose to a woman I knew didn’t love him, I said he should. He was turned down when he proposed to her at an amusement park; I have not heard from him in five years.
Sure, I have no friends, no wife, no job (as lying quickly lost me as many gigs as I gained) but at least I’m having fun!
And perhaps I am lying to you, too? Who is to say for certain, because I truly cannot. Perhaps, right now, everything I’ve told you is fiction or make-believe. Maybe, maybe not...
But the fun of it is that you will never know, and I will never tell.
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